Not Just Diet Culture: A Deeper Look at Blame, Denial, and Control
We like to point the finger at the culprit, don’t we?
Or pick the villain from a lineup.
Because of this, because of them, we say long before, because of me.
Polarising. Dividing. Picking sides.
This kind of reasoning can envelop us like dense heavy energy, fuelling our political systems and communities and eating disorder thinking.
Is there a link between the rise in eating disorders and the rise of the extreme right? Anorexic and bulimic mindsets are fascistic - well, mine were, there is only one way and this is the way, kind of thing.
As to the reasons why I was the way I was, and why I stayed unwell for so long (I am an expert in denial, let’s not forget that) I tended to blame myself. I didn’t want to accept any other influences.
Not me, I was far too clever and omnipotent for that. D’you see what I mean?!
There is a list of culprits regarding the development of eating disorders. Essentially I believe the buck stops with us, but this realisation needs to be empowering. Not just another punitive mindset.
Many podcast guests talk about diet culture.
I was always a bit meh about its impact on me (see above re: denial).
Despite charging myself during my teenage years with ancient social media - magazines; health/ slimming magazines.
Shelly lost a stone in two hours! Shelly says she loves her new body! So does her husband!
I’d pore over the (dreadful) before and (stunning) after photos of Shelly’s transformation. Any feelings of disappointment about myself quelled; if Shelly can do it, then so can I.
Suddenly I was part of the club.
The Betterment Club. An early lesson in self improvement. Because we learn very young that we are never good enough. Growing up in a family obsessed with weight and body shape helped enormously (more of that next time). I completely ignored the impossibility of losing a stone in two hours. Okay, maybe it was two weeks, but still that was unobtainable without a severe bout of food poisoning.
How I yearned to have proper food poisoning. Oh the weight loss! I’d get to stay in bed and be looked after and then emerge transformed, just like Shelly. Then my life could start. One of the reasons I found it so hard to stop purging was because of the transformative effect. One moment I was full, the next, empty.
Reborn. A new beginning. Like a blank page in a new book.
At school when I was really young I used to promise myself I’d write in long straight lines with perfect letters. Two sentences later I’d make a mistake. Before I knew it my writing would slope off down the page into the right hand bottom corner. I always wanted to start again, because then I could reach perfection.
Only it never happened. I never emerged transformed like Shelly.
My point is, of course I was affected by diet culture, and many other factors, which I’ll explore later, but here’s the thing. If we removed diet culture and/or social media, would eating disorders tail off? Maybe? Some?
We could do with a massive shift in perspective re: our “diet culture” that’s for sure. And more of THAT later. But, as I keep saying, eating disorders are complex and powered by more than one culprit. The absence of one won’t necessarily negate the other. Food and my body were the canvasses upon which I painted my distress.
I reckon I would've got there, at some point, regardless of Shelly.
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