The Analogy of War in Regard to Eating Disorders (EDs)

I try to avoid the news but we have a Ukrainian refugee staying with us so I’m up to date. 

Of course I know this isn’t the only war going on right now in the world, which makes it worse, but it is geographically the nearest as I live in the UK. An old story dies for a new one to emerge; will it be for the better or worse? Who knows!

But regarding EDs, I find the analogy of war useful. I wonder if you will too?

EDs are violent, hostile acts against the emotional, spiritual and physical body. 

They say, I don’t want to live, I have no needs and I am out to destroy. 

And they are on the rise for a myriad of reasons especially amongst younger people. But EDs affect all ages, races and creeds. They are wonderfully, non-discriminatory and as such function without prejudice.

Which is why EDs are not only a war upon the individual but also against the whole. We are all united in many more ways than we are different. What affects one affects the other: non-mutually exclusive events but with similar outcomes. EDs are acts of war upon our psyche (individual) and our mass consciousness (whole) because at their worst they render us incapable or unable to function in the world. Or they kill us.

And that fractures our families, our community, our human organism, bits are broken, time is spent supporting and fixing, causing stress and draining resources, instead of thriving and living our best life our community fails, we fail, we become infirm, poor until we are stumbling along the road in the middle of the night not knowing where we are going how we got there or who we are because we are lost. Lost in the dark.

Maybe it’s pertinent to say at this point that ED’S also function in other more helpful or even positive ways but that’s a blog for later on. I’ve spoken before about EDs being your greatest defenders, in the last redoubt on the battlefield and very much in your corner but that’s another blog for even later on.

An ED, at its worst, will bring you to your knees, rendering you inert upon the floor until you surrender. Or not. The ED wants you to fight back because it thrives upon the fight, it needs your conflict, your distress to be made manifest over and over again. This is the ED at its finest, fighting and at war with you on every level desperate to be dominant and crowned as the RULER. 

However, unlike war when the surrender siren calls, which generally means something worse for the defeated (they’ve lost, right?) this state of surrender with an ED is the moment it loses it’s power because the psyche says, I am not prepared to fight anymore. This fight is over. The old story dies for the new one to emerge! Something within us says I am ready to live in another way. I am ready to live. I am ready.
It may be just a flicker; a half-glanced shadow of a moment like a smudge on the window but it lives within the notion of surrender. Surrender, in the sense not of giving in and being taken over but starting to withdraw and leaving the battlefield on your terms. You decide to end the fight whatever the other side claims, whatever flag they fly – you made the decision to leave. 

No shame on you - it is a beautiful retreat. Give way, give ground and walk, if you can, or crawl away. Find somewhere safe. Somewhere to heal, to rest and recuperate; battles take it out of you. They exhaust and deplete. Rest now. Rest, rest your weary head and heart you will need all your strength for the next stage but the fight, the war, is over.

I think it’d be fair to say that if you asked someone in the grip of an ED if they believed in peace, love and harmony, let’s say for argument sake in peace of mind, and you were to ask them if they would describe themselves in such terms – they would certainly pick one off this list.

I certainly did. 

It took me a long time to see the contradictory state I was living in.

There is no peaceful war, no loving and harmonious battlefield. In the same way that friendly fire is anything but. 

When I asked the question why I was waging war against myself and imposing a tyrannical regime upon my life (while espousing crystals and healing) I couldn’t find an answer until I understood that I was in direct conflict with myself and I fighting a losing battle and until I understood it was one I was meant to lose the fight continued.

And while the thought of surrender terrified me in the end it was... sweet. 

What are you fighting against?

What is so unbearable?

Do you kid yourself and pretend to be a peacekeeper when really you’re causing mayhem?

Whose war are you fighting anyway

And... on whose terms?

Do you think of yourself as passive?

Or as the aggressor? 

What would it be like to surrender?

What does it look like? Can you imagine it?

How would your life be different?

How would it feel?

Ask yourself how you feel right now reading this and go from there. Or not.

These are just some of the questions I have asked myself over the years at various times throughout my recovery. If the war analogy doesn’t help you pick your own. Work with it. Understand the impact the stories we tell ourselves have and how we keep them alive often without realizing it. 

The old story dies for the new one to emerge. You get to choose. You choose your story. 

Are you ready?