Thoughts Around Performative Vulnerability

A friend recently introduced me to the concept of performative vulnerability, I’d not heard this phrase before but turns out I’d experienced it many times on social media, especially instagram.

I don’t particularly enjoy social media you won’t find me scrolling down a rabbit hole, I do what I need to do for LTFT and that’s it.

But people and posts pop up and while some are great others provoke uncomfortable feelings particularly in the eating disorder sphere. I admit I have mixed feelings about the sharing and apparent ‘vulnerability” on social media.

Sometimes, I feel distinctly uncomfortable.

Why am I feeling like this, I think as I scroll or watch, they’re saying the right things and look on point but something feels untrue.

The more I engage the greater my energetic response - my system responds energetically, i.e. sensations in my body (intellectual analysis comes later) to the hidden motivations and/or unresolved emotional issues with that particular post, reel and host. Despite appearances their motivation for sharing is from their ego.

It’s about them. Not us.

If energetic talk sounds woo-woo (I believe we’re spiritual beings having a human experience but you don’t have to) consider what I’ve said in psychotherapeutic terms when a therapist experiences the unexpressed feelings of their client – namely transference. We feel perhaps more about what isn’t said than what is. You don’t have to be in the same physical space for this to happen. It’s fascinating what people choose to miss out and not say because it’s in the subtext we find the real meaning.

Performative vulnerability is fake authenticity.

Appearing vulnerable in order to receive validation. “Like me. Buy from me. Love me. Make me famous” says the performative vulnerable one.

Ironically this stance aligns with eating disorders helping us to hide or stay hidden, and forever masking who we really are. Performative vulnerability stirs something within me around my core values – being truthful, properly vulnerable, sharing and community.

And...intention!

I always check in with my intention.

On a final note, I’m clearly a bit defensive around my core values (as if they were the only ones of value!) what’s enlightening is that I need to go within to find a less compromised and more accepting place.

With this in mind I choose my elders, mentors and experts wisely.

What are your thoughts around performative vulnerability? I'd love to hear from you.